Learning Confidence

January 19, 2015 • written by

Confidence is an elusive thing for me growing up.

I’m easily influenced and when people tell me something that lowers my confidence, I think about it a lot and I dwell on it even if it bothers me.

I’ve been called many things.

My dad called me a loser, a failure, he tells me my future is being in jail for beating someone up and then dying in the street because I couldn’t get a job.

My mom stopped encouraging me or paying attention to any of my interests. My older half brother left me without money and took 30,000 of my paycheck.

I experienced being abandoned by my long time girlfriend after six years.

I’ve failed at many things, I’ve been cheated on, tricked and I had to keep restarting my life.

In the recent months I reluctantly recovered from my depression and in a few months, I was awarded top agent for sales at the company I worked for. My confidence had gone up and gone down many times.

Whenever I approached a challenge, I’ve always had little confidence. I guess that’s why my dad picks on me.

I discovered that my talent is breaking down difficult tasks into really small pieces to make the task simpler and easier to manage.

My confidence had gone down and up at many times in my life and here are a list of things that I do to help me recover.

I follow the following formula:

If you understand this, you can conquer anything. I built a blog that has thousands of readers, I was able to bench press 220lbs, I was able to get out of debt and start saving money, I was able to learn how to cook, recently, I conquered my job with the same method.

Why do you need confidence?

If confidence is your problem, I wrote this post to help you. Consider each point and ask yourself

“What am I doing right already?”

The next question you want to ask is

What am I doing so I can I improve?

The last question is…

Is there a lesson here that I disagree with or haven’t applied to in my life?

Okay the last question is “What’s stopping me from applying this to my life? What do I need to believe to apply this to my life?”

If you are faithful with the small things, you will be entrusted with much. - The Bible

If you are unfaithful with the small things, you have no business even thinking about upgrading your life. - Kevin Olega

1. Posture

According to peak performance expert Tony Robbins, a study was done on clinically depressed people. In the study they took several people who were clinically depressed and all they did was force these people to smile, corrected their breathing and their posture. After 30 or 60 days. I don’t remember but many of them experienced dramatic improvements and a good number of them were taken off medication. I have bad posture and I’m working on correcting it. Since my effort began, I noticed many improvements. Posture is one of the things I trained myself to check whenever I felt down.

2. Smile

Smiling makes you sound better. Smiling reminds you of things that make you smile. That includes success from your past. Smiling makes you look and sound confident. I can go on and on. The best way to achieve the effect of smiling is by smiling yourself. Go ahead and smile. Test it out. Hold it for a few seconds and go on read the next comment.

3. Breathing

Whenever I’m scared I stop breathing. I try to limit my breathing to a minimum as if I’m hiding from something that can eat me alive so that it doesn’t notice me. Nothing is out there. Because I suppressed my breathing, I can’t fully use my body. In martial arts, we were taught that the best way to overpower stronger opponents is to deprive them of air. If you are not breathing properly you are depriving yourself of air. You can’t think right. Your ideas suck. If you don’t breath right, you have a hard time smiling and a hard time correcting your posture. Here’s an exercise. Take 20 deep breaths. Maximum inhale through the nose then exhale through the mouth. Do it now. After doing five you see yourself smiling. After doing ten you naturally correct your posture. After 20 you feel powerful enough to take on anything. In the call center a QA point about sounding excited and alive is the hardest point to achieve. I got it by taking a really deep breath before answering the call. I had more energy. Just breathe. Fuck. Do I have to think of a bazillion examples to convince you? Just do it.

4. Speak Loud and Clear

I’ve never been bullied by a caller. Nobody asks for a manager anymore. Some calls start as an irate call but they apologize for their rudeness.

5. Know what they want.

If you don’t stand for something, you will fall for anything. If you don’t have a clear picture of what you want in your life, you are likely to accept whatever the hell anyone offers you. If you don’t have direction you will be easy to manipulate. What you need to do is to write down what’s important to you. Ask yourself what you want? What’s the most important thing to me? What are my values? If anything doesn’t make sense, google is your friend.

6. Study your beliefs

Successful people and unsuccessful people have different beliefs. My mentor taught me, if you want to be healthy, study health. If you want to be happy, study happiness. If you want to be successful study success. Beliefs influence actions. Actions influence reality. Study the beliefs of successful people by what they say and what you observe they do.

7. Know their good points

Do you know your good points? Do you know the answer why you deserve the job you seek? Do you have a ready answer? How often do you think about it? Again, I’m going to encourage you to use paper. Write down what you think are your good points. What are your accomplishments? What are the nice things people say about you? What are your skills? Talents. What do other people say are your talents and skills. There is confidence in the written word. Write it down.

8. Ask questions

Confident people know that they don’t know everything and as a result they ask questions about what they need to know. If something doesn’t make sense, they ask questions. If they need something they ask for guidance. They see people who are better than them as resources and people to learn from. I learned by following a few people around and observing what they do.

9. Familiar with the task or job

Confidence comes from familiarity and practice. The more familiar you are with something, the less fear you have at the prospect of performing poorly. These are the elements of confidence that you can start with. Here are some tips to get started:

1. Study each element and examine yourself what you can do to apply each element in to your life. 2. Slowly adapt one element at a time. The formula for failure is doing too much too soon and quitting. I don’t want you to quit. It doesn’t matter if the method takes a little longer if the end result is that your confidence is guaranteed. 3. Write down your progress and continue to develop your long list of reasons why you should be confident. 4. Do awesome things with your life. 5. Keep your promises.. The more promises you can keep, the better your confidence will be. Something as simple as doing what you say you are going to do can build you up into a very confident person.

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We may never meet but I'm happy I am able to contribute to your life through my writing.

Thank you for reading and thank you for your attention.

Always remember that if I can do it, you can do it too.

Successful people are willing to experience temporary discomfort and do difficult activities that unsuccessful people are NOT willing to do so that they are able to build the life and enjoy benefits that unsuccessfull people will never have.

I am always praying for your success.

Do you have a question or just want to say something? Leave a comment. I read all of them.